Helpful Tidbits
Finding One’s Power in Self-Regulation
As clinicians, we hold a lot of respect for the process. Just sitting with a client and holding space for the pain one might avoid in everyday life is often enough of an intervention to create meaningful change for a client. I try to be diligent and caring in that...
Three Key Phases to Recovering from an Affair
Betrayal is awful; there aren't many people who'd argue otherwise. But why does it happen? What causes someone to engage in relationship infidelity? Typically, infidelity happens when the relationship is suffering from lack of emotional intimacy and often suppressing...
5 tips to improve communication in your relationship
Even couples who get along well are bound to face occasional difficulties in the relationship, and effective communication strategies help navigate those challenges.
What is Couples Therapy Exactly and How Can It Help Me
When I tell people that I am a couples therapist, they have all sorts of questions. In this series of posts, I thought I would write about the questions I’m asked most frequently about couples therapy and share how I answer them.
FIVE HABITS THAT HELP TO MANAGE CONFLICTS
People used to believe that highly satisfied couples had very few disagreements and very little conflict.
FOUR HABITS THAT DAMAGE RELATIONSHIPS
Marriage researcher John Gottman’s groundbreaking work on how couples interact revealed the four most common interactional patterns that damage relationships.
BIDS FOR ATTENTION AND CONNECTION
What is a “bid” and how do you make one? Marriage researcher John Gottman calls bids the “fundamental unit of emotional communication.” Bids are actions that people take to connect to or to gain the attention of their partner. Bids can take many forms: pointing at...
ATTACHMENT STYLES
Attachment for Survival Many people are aware of typical survival routines like fight, flight, or freeze. Someone becomes angry and they take an aggressive stance. Someone becomes frightened and they run away. Someone becomes horrified and they freeze. Lesser known as...
Why Change Feels So Hard
Coming to therapy can feel really hard. What usually brings us to therapy is the feeling of being out of control in some way and not knowing a way to change. One person might be in a series of unstable relationships. Another might not be able to stop drinking. And...
What is Couples Therapy and How Can It Help Me?
There are many different forms of couples therapy, but two of the most popular evidence-based modalities are the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy.
What Can I Do To Change My Partner?
As a couples therapist, I get this question all the time. Sometimes it's spoken with anger, sometimes despair, sometimes sorrow, and sometimes exhausted resignation. Behind the question is often feelings of hurt, powerlessness, and a sense of something being broken in...
The Importance of How You End Your Day for the Management of Mood Disorders
Think for a few minutes about how you usually end your day. Are you "doomscrolling" through news websites, watching an endless queue of suggested videos on YouTube, binge watching a Netflix series, ruminating about a problem at work, getting into an argument with your...
The Importance of a Weekly Check-in for Couples
One thing that I often hear from couples is that they don’t have regular conversations about what is going on with them and that they can’t seem to be able to find a good time to bring up difficult topics. As time passes, two consequences emerge. First, they find that...
Creating distance when your boundary isn’t respected
Sometimes we may have a relationship that we want to keep but that feels out of control and unsafe. For instance, we may have a relative like a parent or sibling who consistently runs over our boundaries no matter how clear we are about what our expectations are....
Meet Kathryn Krane
Tell us a little about you. I was raised in East Tennessee and moved to San Diego when I was in my late 20s. I worked in a couple of different careers before deciding that I wanted to pursue the longtime dream of becoming a therapist. As a therapist, I have worked...
Meet Lauren Mason
Tell us a little about you. I was born in Long Island, NY, and moved with my family to California as a teenager. I came to San Diego State University for college and stayed to work on my Master’s degree in Fine Arts. I worked for many years in marketing following...
