Helpful Tidbits

BIDS FOR ATTENTION AND CONNECTION

BIDS FOR ATTENTION AND CONNECTION

What is a “bid” and how do you make one? Marriage researcher John Gottman calls bids the “fundamental unit of emotional communication.”  Bids are actions that people take to connect to or to gain the attention of their partner. Bids can take many forms: pointing at...

ATTACHMENT STYLES

ATTACHMENT STYLES

Attachment for Survival Many people are aware of typical survival routines like fight, flight, or freeze. Someone becomes angry and they take an aggressive stance. Someone becomes frightened and they run away. Someone becomes horrified and they freeze. Lesser known as...

Why Change Feels So Hard

Why Change Feels So Hard

Coming to therapy can feel really hard. What usually brings us to therapy is the feeling of being out of control in some way and not knowing a way to change. One person might be in a series of unstable relationships. Another might not be able to stop drinking. And...

What Can I Do To Change My Partner?

What Can I Do To Change My Partner?

As a couples therapist, I get this question all the time. Sometimes it's spoken with anger, sometimes despair, sometimes sorrow, and sometimes exhausted resignation. Behind the question is often feelings of hurt, powerlessness, and a sense of something being broken in...